With the rise of flirty texting, the challenge of finding the right notes to hit when texting girls has become crucial to successful dating. There are a handful of ways to manage your texting, including one of the most important: tempo.
Tempo is the rhythm of your interaction with a girl. The kind of tempo you have comes down to who texts who, how long you wait between messages, and how long those messages are. Let’s look at an example of bad tempo, then I’ll get into the details of it.
guy: hey cowgirl, what’s up?
girl: haha hey you, not much. studying, got an early exam
guy: oh yeah that’s rough, i’m always studying last minute and rushing to get to class. especially in biology!
girl: yeah me too
guy: so, what’re you studying?
girl: english 201, chaucer
guy: oh yeah I hated that guy. way too slow reading
girl: yeah, gotta go, getting late
guy: oh ok, goodnight, good luck tomorrow!
girl: (no response)
Painful to read, isn’t it? I’ll be the first to admit that I had a conversation or two just like that back in the day, and I have a feeling that if you’re here…you can relate Let’s take a look at what’s wrong with this picture:
1. Length of texts
At the start of the text, the girl was pacing the guy and sending texts about equally long. Note that some of his texts were literally almost twice the length of hers.
This might sound minor, but think about it: looking over this exchange, who wants who more? Who’s chasing? As much as it’s frustrating to have to play games like this, with text flirting you need to be careful not to overplay your hand early on.
When her responses started getting short, he needed to do the same thing…or just go quiet, which leads us to the next point:
2. The back-and-forth flow
Here the guy texted first…which is usually going to happen, at least until you’ve slept with or at least gone out with the girl in question. There’s nothing wrong with that, but, when you text first…it becomes important to have her text last.
In this case, he could have gone silent on almost any of her texts. The fact that he kept trying to keep the flow going cost him, as his every text got weaker until the end when he wished her well and got no response. He started fine, but should have stopped after she sent him the negative response of “yeah me too”, which shows she’s not into the conversation. Anytime you sense the end coming, don’t try to prolong the texting, but instead end it gracefully by going quiet. It gives you room to recover from mistakes.
3. Overly emotional
I’ve said it before, but need to keep hammering this one home: you can’t show more emotion than she does. Here he got a good reply on his callback humor, but after that, he was the one using ! and while she was sending him flat replies.
There’s a primer on keeping tempo in your flirty text messages…this can literally be the difference between a girl meeting you out or forgetting you completely, so you need to stay on top of it. Your goal should be to roughly pace her emotional investment and length of messages, while looking to end texting exchanges on a high note–and on your terms.
Interested in how to send flirty texts and be successful with seeing her again? Check out this book, which takes you through everything you need to know about what to text her, when to text, and how to handle her both when she’s already into you and when you have to do some work to get her interested.