Flirty Text Messages — Keeping Tempo

With the rise of flirty texting, the challenge of finding the right notes to hit when texting girls has become crucial to successful dating.  There are a handful of ways to manage your texting, including one of the most important:  tempo.

Tempo is the rhythm of your interaction with a girl.  The kind of tempo you have comes down to who texts who, how long you wait between messages, and how long those messages are.  Let’s look at an example of bad tempo, then I’ll get into the details of it.

Bad Tempo:
guy:  hey cowgirl, what’s up?
girl:  haha hey you, not much. studying, got an early exam
guy:  oh yeah that’s rough, i’m always studying last minute and rushing to get to class. especially in biology! ;)
girl:  yeah me too
guy:  so, what’re you studying?
girl:  english 201, chaucer
guy:  oh yeah I hated that guy.  way too slow reading
girl:  yeah, gotta go, getting late
guy:  oh ok, goodnight, good luck tomorrow!
girl:  (no response)

Painful to read, isn’t it?  I’ll be the first to admit that I had a conversation or two just like that back in the day, and I have a feeling that if you’re here…you can relate ;)  Let’s take a look at what’s wrong with this picture:

1.  Length of texts
At the start of the text, the girl was pacing the guy and sending texts about equally long.  Note that some of his texts were literally almost twice the length of hers.

This might sound minor, but think about it:  looking over this exchange, who wants who more?  Who’s chasing?  As much as it’s frustrating to have to play games like this, with text flirting you need to be careful not to overplay your hand early on.  

When her responses started getting short, he needed to do the same thing…or just go quiet, which leads us to the next point:

2.  The back-and-forth flow
Here the guy texted first…which is usually going to happen, at least until you’ve slept with or at least gone out with the girl in question.  There’s nothing wrong with that, but, when you text first…it becomes important to have her text last.  

In this case, he could have gone silent on almost any of her texts.  The fact that he kept trying to keep the flow going cost him, as his every text got weaker until the end when he wished her well and got no response.  He started fine, but should have stopped after she sent him the negative response of “yeah me too”, which shows she’s not into the conversation.  Anytime you sense the end coming, don’t try to prolong the texting, but instead end it gracefully by going quiet.  It gives you room to recover from mistakes.

3.  Overly emotional
I’ve said it before, but need to keep hammering this one home:  you can’t show more emotion than she does.  Here he got a good reply on his callback humor, but after that, he was the one using ! and ;) while she was sending him flat replies.

There’s a primer on keeping tempo in your flirty text messages…this can literally be the difference between a girl meeting you out or forgetting you completely, so you need to stay on top of it.  Your goal should be to roughly pace her emotional investment and length of messages, while looking to end texting exchanges on a high note–and on your terms.

Interested in how to send flirty texts and be successful with seeing her again? Check out this book, which takes you through everything you need to know about what to text her, when to text, and how to handle her both when she’s already into you and when you have to do some work to get her interested.

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The Flirty Text

Last time we took a hard look at ways to not send flirty texts…and now we’re going to get started with the right way to send a flirty text to a new girl that you just met, say at a bar or party.  Now, I’ll talk about timing when to send this text later…but for now, just understand that you should text relatively fast, within 24 hours for cold approach (ie meeting a new girl at a club) and up to 48 hours for someone you met through friends.

The point of this first text message isn’t to get into a long conversation–we’re going to send her something to cement her memory of us, and also gauge how interested she is right off the bat.  

Alright, so it’s time to send the first text.  What to say?  There are two reliable ways to go…
1.  Callback humor:  any time you have a good flirty interaction with a girl–and if you’re not doing that, then fix that problem before you even worry about texting–you should have a good inside joke or two come up.  For example, if you find out a girl grew up in Texas and used to ride horses…you can nickname her “cowgirl”.  When you send a first text to her, you can use something like “hey cowgirl, better get to bed early…you need to feed bessie in the morning ;) ”

The trick to good callback humor is to find something that playfully recalls your conversation.  Don’t abuse it however, you should at most use it every other time or so when texting her.  Too many repetitions will play the joke out.

2. The generic non-needy goodbye:  this is a whole order of magnitude weaker than callback humor, but can be used if you have nothing funny lined up but need to make that first text.  I’ve had good success with this tried and true:  ”Nice meeting you, have a good night.  ~(my name)”  

It’s bland as all hell, but has an effective test built right in:  if she won’t bite on this, then you didn’t get enough initial interest on the first meeting to come out for a date anyway.  When she responds, don’t expect much…but the more emotion she puts in her response–such as extra emoticons or punctuation–the better a first impression you put on her.  This will tell you where you stand with her, and you’ll then follow up with something better later on.

There are some of the basics for sending a flirty text to a new girl.  The best approach is to use a little wit and nail some callback humor to her, as when you can reference the conversation in a funny way, it’s going to put her back in social mode and remembering meeting you.  If you can’t do something flirty based on that, your next best approach is the generic–but not overly emotional–polite greeting.  While that won’t build attraction, it will not cost if she’s already interested in you…and will also give you a good idea how likely she is to meet up when you text in the future.

Interested in how to send flirty texts and be successful with seeing her again? Check out this book, which takes you through everything you need to know about what to text her, when to text, and how to handle her both when she’s already into you and when you have to do some work to get her interested.

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